The 7th Circle of Plumbing Hell

Don't worry, I will soon return with more Tales of the City. But first, a detour through H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks.

While my weekend trip was super fun and brought me back relaxed, I didn't get anywhere enough sleep. I never sleep enough on those kinds of trips. So I was exhausted and went to bed at about 10:15 last night, planning to catch up before heading back to work today.

The Lord of the Hairy Clog Underworld had other ideas.

Around 11:30pm, I was pulled out of my deep, restful sleep by a loud sound. Of rushing water. Coming from my bathroom. I staggered in there to find a geyser coming out from my sink drain, into the tiny basin, and over the edge, flooding my whole bathroom.

My first thought, was GROSS! But immediately following that, was Holy Hell that's a lot of water! How am I going to get it out of here? I grabbed the first bucket-like object I saw and bailed the sink into the tub, until the water stopped rushing forth. Then I went into a 30 minute process of trying to mop up at least an inch of standing water. And let's face it, I live in a small apartment, I don't have a wet/dry vac out in the garage, just for these occasions.

So by the time I was done, I was amped up from the workout and irritated. This type of clog explosion has happened a few times in my current apartment. I'm not here to complain about that, my manager was there at 9am this morning to get it resolved, I'm just over it. So despite my exhaustion, I couldn't get back to sleep for a couple of hours after the ordeal. And now, it hurts to keep my eyes open.

But thank the Gods of Dysfunction that I grew up the way I did. Christopher Titus had a great bit on his sitcom about screwed up people dealing with problems. I know I can't do it justice, so I won't try. The gist is that people who've had screwed up lives never get rattled. They just shake their heads and solve the problem at hand. Well-adjusted people do the opposite, even in the smallest crisis. So when the apocalypse comes, all the Normals will be dead first. And we'll live forever.

I proved he was right the day an ex of mine, who came from a very functional family, called down the hall that the toilet was clogged and about to overflow. While he stood with plunger in hand, cursing the heavens and shouting a stream of expletives, I reached past him and shut off the incoming water valve, threw an old towel on the floor, and went back to watching television.

So, do your worst, Plumbing Demons. I'm a screwed up person. I can take it.