Date Night

You gotta love fortune cookies. They're a fun shape, they taste delicious, and they come with a prize inside!  When I opened my fortune cookie yesterday, inside was the following message:

There's a secret romance blooming! Go for it, in spite of your hesitation.

Apparently this romance is so secret that even I don't know about it. But it did get me thinking about the whole dating subject, so I thought I'd finally record my Worst Date Story.

A couple of years ago, I was asked out by a guy who was a fellow regular at my happy hour haunt. He seemed like a good enough chap, so I agreed; we planned to meet at a restaurant and bar close to both our homes, and then we'd see where the night took us.

He was 15-20 minutes late. It doesn't seem like much, but as someone who is generally punctual, I see lateness as a lack of respect for other people's time, so he was already starting on the wrong foot. When he finally arrived, before we could even order dinner, he was off talking to other people, leaving me to sit on my own some more. Evidently he had frequented this particular establishment some years in the past, and still knew several people who worked or drank there. He spent most of the next couple hours walking away from me to chat with his old friends, never including me in the conversations, not even introducing me to any of them.

When he finally began to sense my annoyance (or maybe I just told him he was being a jackass), we left his old buddies to go to another bar down the street. He selected a booth which would easily hold 6 people, but sat half an inch from me. He ordered us shots, on a weeknight when I had to work in the morning. And then he noticed that I smelled good.

He asked if it would be okay if he smelled me. Only slightly creeped out, I allowed it. He put his nose directly on my neck, inhaled deeply and said, "Oooooh, that's so good. It's, like, intoxicating." And then did it again.

Shortly afterward, I finished my drink, pried his hands from my person, and went home.

No, we didn't go out again.
I mean, come on, Dude had game, but he was a total hipster. Ew.