Limbo

I am currently miserable.

For some reason, despite Frightened Rabbit coming through my headphones right now, I heard that sentence spoken by Ron Howard in my head, like the first line of an Arrested Development episode. 

Sarah [not Bluth] is currently miserable. 

It’s not because I’m attempting to type this on a laptop I can only open halfway, in a cramped economy seat from Heathrow to SeaTac, although that’s a contributing factor. No, I’m miserable because this morning I left Edinburgh to head back to normal life, back to being stuck in Limbo.

I had planned to be moving to Scotland about now, stressing over how my cats would take to air travel, planning my wedding. But it turns out the UK visa process is going to be much more difficult than the Home Office originally made it sound, and I’m stuck in Seattle for the foreseeable future.

It’s extremely frustrating to finally know exactly where you should be spending your life, and with whom you should be spending it, only to have something out of your control delay it happening. I’ve done my best to be positive, to appreciate all the great things and weigh them above the shit ones, but in truth I’m fed up.

I’m fed up with the long flights back and forward. Fed up with only getting the life I should be living with Jody short term, in hotels, dreading the day I'm back at the airport. Fed up with Skype, and with countdowns to the next visit.

I’m fed up with feeling like my life is on pause most of the time.

And despite knowing that I’ll be back in 5 weeks, and that I have nearly enough British Airways miles to get a free round trip to the Moon, and even that one day I’ll manage to cut through all the red tape and get to real life, right now I hate it. I hate this journey, I hate the day to day back in Seattle, and I hate not being able to change it.

But you know what I love? Jody. Who is 100% worth all of this hassle.

And I also love breakfast. Which we always say is the most important thing.