Jesse once told me that I should pitch a show to the Travel Channel about traveling on your own, because I take trips by myself more than anyone he has ever known.
That may be true; I do head out of town by myself far more often than I go with other people. Whenever other women hear that I plan to go away by myself, they either say they could never do that and express admiration that I do, or say I do the same thing. Isn't it the best way to travel? When anyone asks why, I give the standard spiel about how no one else has the time, money, or desire to travel as often as I do, so I just say fuck it and take the trip alone.
Fact is, I like traveling solo. In many cases, I prefer it. I love my friends. I rely on them in many ways; they're more family to me than my relatives. But when it comes down to it, more often than not, I want to do things in life by myself... especially the big stuff, the really hard stuff. I don't know if that exemplifies a fierce independence, a neurotic need for freedom, or just a fundamental tendency to be a loner.
For many years, I depended heavily on people, never did much on my own terms, and found I was extremely disappointed when they didn't come through, or simply felt lonely when they weren't around. To be honest, I didn't get all that much out of it. Several years ago, that all stopped, and my preference moved toward doing things alone. I'm not sure what changed, but since then I've experienced much more than I ever would have, waiting around for others to join me.
The society in which we live encourages women to have a fear and hatred of being alone. You need a partner to make you happy, you need girlfriends to support you in every action, you need protection from all the bad things in the world. We are the prey in a world full of predators. But all that does is limit our experience, our happiness. I've written about it before: there's really nothing more fulfilling, more confidence-building, than going off to a completely unfamilar place, having a great time, with no one to rely on but yourself. Sure, there may be some sense of insecurity, some self-doubt, but overcoming that just makes it all the more satisfying.
It's not just women, though; no one can manage to be alone anymore. Go to any public place and look around you. Anyone without a companion is talking on the phone or texting, is shut off from the world with an ipod, or has their head down over a laptop. What happened to the simple joy of going out into the world by yourself and seeing what happens? Maybe you'll meet someone new, see something entertaining in the crowd around you, or just have a nice time with the company of your own thoughts.
The weirdest thing about traveling solo is never having a guarantee of anyone to talk to, except the customer service staff directly related to your trip. That means that you either have to put yourself out there and meet people, or be your own only friend. I go back and forth on those options, with the latter winning a lot of the time, hence the loner comment above. When I do meet people, they're often guys (same as at home), and it can take some time to figure out if they're trying to pick me up, or just being friendly. Since I'm not out on trips to hook up, I have no interest in that prospect. On my last trip to Europe, I got hit on in every country I visited, and most were so obvious that I just pretended I didn't understand what they were saying and moved on. For the less obvious, I tend to imply that I left a significant other back in Seattle, and excuse myself from the situation. Unfortunately, there are some people out there who don't mean well, and particularly like to prey upon tourists. Then the key is to listen closely to your instincts, and not engage with someone who doesn't feel safe. It's better to be extra careful than to end up a cautionary tale that reinforces the fears of others.
To make it easier, most of the time no one knows you're a lone traveler unless you tell them so. In many locations, you're immersed in a mix of visitors and locals, and can just blend in. It only becomes very clear that you're on a solo trip in situations where there are nothing but other travelers in your midst. My all-inclusive in Cabo was one of those environments; all of the other guests at the resort had their social circles pretty well defined. Couples were happy with just each other, but might bond with fellow couples; families were happy on their own, but wouldn't shy away from other families; groups of singles were content to party together, but were really seeking others to hook up with. I was none of the above, so apart from the occasional random conversation, I spent the trip with myself. Keen observer that I am, though, I tended to notice anyone else in my own small category.
Oddly, in that situation, I think I found another me. I spotted a woman about my age a few times, always sitting alone, with that solo traveler vibe. I didn't bother approaching her, considering my poor track record in making friends with women. Plus, when I last saw her, she brought her laptop to dinner. It's almost as clear a sign as painting Fuck you across your forehead. She clearly was another me, neither of us looking for friends.
I don't really think there's a moral to this particular story. I just want to encourage everyone to have their own adventures, whether or not anyone will be along with them. Having people around is good, but being totally dependent upon others isn't. Going off on my own has been one of the best things I've ever done, and continues to be one of my very favorite things to do. It's one of the things that makes me truly happy.
And I can't wait to go do it again...
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