Last weekend I reconnected with a friend I hadn't chatted with in some time, and he made the comment that he sees more of my humanity in this blog than he's ever gotten from talking to me.
It's an absolutely accurate observation. While I often describe myself as dead inside, the fact is that I'm unemotional, and self-absorbed, and don't openly share a lot of what's going on behind the curtain. I'm better in front of a crowd than I am one on one, and due to shyness as a youth, I'm also more myself in written form than live. Put it all together, and you see the most me in a format like this. While I definitely censor my content for such a wide audience, the words, emotion and thought behind it all are a lot less edited than you get in person.
If my life were a sitcom, though, that comment would've been followed by me going back to my gang of 30-something thin, white, attractive, straight friends, and asking them if I was really lacking in humanity. They would respond with awkward silence, and unconvincing assertions that I'm "a really caring person." This would send me into a bout of soul-searching, which would be resolved (in 22 minutes or less) when some big event would prove my humanity, and wrap up the whole issue with a goofy comment and a few seconds of the laugh track.
We all want to fit that mold of a good person, right? Maybe. Or maybe not. While I don't like some of the elements of my life right now, I'm 100% happy with who I am. I wouldn't want to change it. I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggonnit, people like me!
Cue the Very Special Episode...
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