For my Edinburgh New Year's Eve stuck sitting around with a miserable cold, I went for an all Scottish theme with my television viewing. This included the Netflix film Outlaw King.
No, sir, I didn't like it.
Which is sad, because it's about time somebody made a movie about Robert the Bruce. Especially since a good chunk of the blockbuster Braveheart was stuff that probably happened to Robert (the rest being a combination of what little is known about William Wallace and a bunch of made-up Hollywood nonsense). But I just found Outlaw King boring and poorly acted. I mean, the Scottish hills look pretty and all, but for all the emotion offered by Chris Pine, his part might as well have been played by a cardboard cutout. And it's not like anybody else did better. Plus, what's with the accents? In a cast of hundreds, maybe 10 people sounded like they were actually from anywhere in Scotland. I remember a while back seeing constant ads for 'Scottish men with beards' to be extras in the Robert the Bruce movie being filmed here. I guess in the end they even let a couple of them talk!
By the way, where's this unwritten rule that the heroes of Scotland can never be played by real Scottish people in films? William Wallace: Australian. Robert Bruce: American. Mary, Queen of Scots: Irish. What's next? Zac Efron as Robert Burns? A musical about Saint Andrew starring Hugh Jackman? Jennifer Lawrence in the Flora MacDonald story?
But back to my original point: Robert the Bruce deserves his own movie. It's just too bad the one he got is poor. I've read more Scottish history than the average American... football stadium full of people. And the events in the flick seem pretty accurate, but I find it funny how they portray Robert as so conflicted about his actions, doing it all for love of family and country. Not really how the dude comes off historically. Everything written about him makes it clear that he wasn't at all a nice guy, and evidence shows that his actions were largely driven by a desire for power. He changed his allegiances constantly, taking the side of whoever was most likely to put him on the throne. Then when he discovered that person wasn't going to make him king, he was offski, stabbing them in back... sometimes literally.
But that's not to say I don't like and respect the guy. He came up with tactics that allowed a small rag-tag band of rebels to defeat huge armies with superior weaponry. He brought sovereignty back to Scotland. And his victory inspired a folk song that serves as an unofficial national anthem, which I sing loudly and proudly before every Scotland rugby game.
Being Scottish and being a fan of Robert Bruce is like defending your dickish friend. Sure, he was kind of a ruthless, power-hungry asshole, but he was OUR ruthless, power-hungry asshole.
I just wish someone would make him a better movie.
